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Are you feeling overly stressed? Constant worry over finances? Concerned about your health? Feeling scared about the future? Wondering “Is this really the job for me?” Confused or frustrated about your role as a caregiver to your parents or a loved one? Wondering about going back to college and if it’s the right move or not? Thinking about the past and saddened because you feel you don’t measure up to the person you always dreamed you would become?
Do you hear the constant silent whisper of second guesses?
Questions such as:
- Am I doing it “right?”
- Am I sacrificing time with friends and family for the sake of ambition and material success?
- Am I turning my back on career success by settling for the being a stay-at-home mom?
- Am I a “good person” if I make the choice to spend my precious allocation of personal free time curled up with a fascinating book rather than selling magazine subscriptions for the kids’ school?
- Am I really committed to being a businesswoman when I feel the need to spend more time expressing myself “outside of work?”
- Will I feel bored, even restless, if I quit my job to stay home with my family? Do I feel guilty?
- Can I really be a good mother even though I have no energy left to give them at the end of a long day?
- Am I spending enough time with my aging parents, or do I make them feel unimportant because I don’t take more time off from work to help them out?
Or perhaps, you are congratulated often for being Supermom…viewed as ultra-organized, ultra-efficient, and rarely sweating the “small stuff” that life throws your way; yet, inside that whisper has started screaming, “I need a break?! I’m human, too! Why do I always have to be the ’strong one!?”
Does this resonate with you? Is this your experience – endless hours of thoughts replaying in your mind that are similar to these?
WHAT’S ACTUALLY HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?
Simply, a destructive and utterly exhaustive ritual – creating a feeling of helplessness.
Regret or anger about the past, fear of the unknown future, uncertainty about what is “right” or “wrong,” health issues, fear of aging , relationships in flux, and the outlook seems so bleak….
Contemporary women in midlife experience a painful inner-sadness that represents our lack of clarity and satisfaction with our personal life choices. We see our life as an “unsolved mystery,” leaving unanswered questions about who we are, where we are supposed to be headed, whether or not we are doing this right, and thus leaving regret and a less than optimistic vision for the future. We live each day more than once because of the “instant replays” and video clips of the past that plague our thoughts. What we are left with is a yearning to live in harmony with choices, something we all desire.
Rather than experiencing the serenity of our “inner oasis,” our inner peace and personal knowing, our negative, self-critical voices show up like a tsunami and begin pounding at us about what we are doing wrong, not what we are doing right. As this progresses over time, we more readily succumb to to feelings of guilt, fear, anger, and attacks of the “shoulds.”
Dr. Carl Jung (1977) explains to us that our society prepares its youth for the first half of life in terms of a proper education, but provides little for the middle-aged to prepare them for the second half of life. Jung calls the first half of life the “natural phase” and he refers to the second half of life as the “cultural phase.” He explains that the transition between these two phases of life is difficult for most people, and problems often occur during this time of transition.
Here is our opportunity to cease waging war on ourselves as women and convert inner difficulties into real experiences.
THE BIG QUESTION TO ASK YOURSELF NOW…
- How do I find inner peace during a time of such confusion?
- How do I let go of the past and add years to my life?
- How do I let go of the constant second-guessing of my choices and the inner struggle that is so much a part of my daily existence?
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How can I trust the process when I feel this helpless?
THE ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS….
- You learn that “guilt is useless on this path”and how to let it go…
- You learn the importance of focusing on yourself and how to manage negative emotions…
- You learn about unconscious problems that are buried into a “first tier” perspective that cause emotional indulgence…
- You adopt more positive characteristics of courage, trust, kindness, open-mindedness, willingness, patience, and forgiveness that leads to an unconditional form of love…
- You identify limiting thoughts and begin to let go of those negative programs…
- You experience Optimism, “the root of an even greater energy that is a powerful influence in your life”
- You re-direct your focus back to the here-and-now, where things truly begin to heal…
- You explore awareness in more profound ways…
- Your “inner oasis” is within reach, gleaned from learning in the the present moment and by letting go of those sorrows of the past…
Are You Ready to Trust the Process and Yourself…if you are seeking freedom and self-acceptance, rest assured that there is ample room for the power of Optimism on this path. - Lucy Beal, America’s Optimism Coach
The tasks of the first half of life are external, largely having to do with family and career. The tasks of the second half of life are internal, largely to do with finding meaning in our life and our mortality.